DIVER RATINGS

FIRST CLASS DIVER:

Dives deeper than the Trieste on a single breath. However, since the Trieste was the first of the modern submersibles, this isn't such a feat. Swims faster than a barracuda chasing after you, for its dinner! More powerful than a giant squid when he has ALL of his tentacles around you. Talks to fish who knew Jacques Cousteau.

SECOND CLASS DIVER:

Must use Scuba to dive as deep as the Pacific Trench. Swims as fast as a diver trying to outrun a barracuda chasing him for dinner. As powerful as the Titanic - BEFORE it sank. Talks to fish who knew fish who talked to Jacques Cousteau.

THIRD CLASS DIVER:

Dives as deep as the Cayman Trench but then, has to be rescued. Not quite fast enough to out swim that barracuda looking for his dinner. As powerful as a two-man wet submarine. Seeks counseling from fish who only heard about Jacques Cousteau.

FOURTH CLASS DIVER:

Crashes into the thermocline and anything else bobbing around. He would have been a liability aboard the Titanic. Is capable of shooting his own foot with a spear gun. Must ride, strapped to a wet sub, in order to keep up with it. Seeks counseling from anything swimming around in the deep.

FIFTH CLASS DIVER:

Harbors a secret fear that he will rip or lose his wet suit while underwater. Is tempted to shoot at anything that moves with his spear gun. Manages to rip and lose his wet suit by misusing his spear gun. Confuses his fins with the flippers of fish and is afraid he will grow real fins. Likes to talk to starfish because they remind him of a nursery rhyme.